Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes

Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.

He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.
He replied, “I still love Vista, baby”.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was sworn in as the Governor of California. He put one hand in the air, the other hand on the Bible, which is a good start — at least we know where his hands are now.

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'

Arnold Schwarzenegger overhears their discussion, walks over and replies 'I'll be Bach.'

Did you hear about the Hollywood cosplay of famous composers?

Answer: Arnold was Bach!

Did you hear the cast of "The Expendables" is making a new movie called "The Composers"?.

Answer: Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".

I bet that if Arnold Schwarzenegger is his gravestone will say 'I will be back'.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it?

Answer: A surname.

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars.

Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present.

Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

'Well,' started Stallone, 'I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.'

'Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano' said Willis. 'I'll play him.'

'I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes,' said Segall. 'I'd like to play him.'

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. 'Sounds splendid.' Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, 'Who do you want to be, Arnold?' So Arnold says 'I'll be Bach.'

Teacher : Who's your favourite Actor?
Me: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Teacher: Spell it?!
Me: only joking its Jet Li

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7?

Answer: I still love vista, baby!

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

Answer: You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach.

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy?

Answer: A Cameron Diaz

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say before eating noodles?

Answer: Pasta la vista baby!

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's not an actor?

Answer: An exterminator

What's the difference between Rivaldo and Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Answer: Rivaldo's preformance was Oscar worthy!

When did Arnold Schwarzeneger realize he was getting a little over-developed?

Answer: When he found out he was giving Dolly Parton an inferiority complex.

Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?

Answer: Alta Vista baby!

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?

Answer: He wanted maximum isolation.

Why Does Arnold Scwarzenegger want two NFL football teams in Los Angeles?

Answer: So there is one legal team and one illegal team (That way the mexicans are happy)

Yo mama's so ugly she made Arnold Schwarzenegger cry.