Johann Sebastian Bach Jokes

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting.

"Bach! hallelujah!"

God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life composing EVERYTHING except for opera. Now you ask ME to write an oratorio for YOUR angelic choir... Do I look like the Messiah?"

"Well" God said: "I guess you just can't Handel it."

Beethoven and Bach were once composers.
Now they are decomposers.

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'

Arnold Schwarzenegger overhears their discussion, walks over and replies 'I'll be Bach.'

Did you hear about the Hollywood cosplay of famous composers?

Answer: Arnold was Bach!

Did you hear the cast of "The Expendables" is making a new movie called "The Composers"?.

Answer: Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".

Employees were discussing classical music pieces.

The boss came up to them.

He said, “Get Bach to work!”

Have you heard about the musician who leaves a message for his wife?

Answer: Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.

How fast does a music note travel?

Answer: Bach 1

I can't Handel Liszts. If I forget something while Chopin, I just go Bach later.

I died and was reincarnated!

Into a musical composer!

I'm Bach now.

I used to only listen to classical music...but now I think outside of the Bachs.

I went Chopin, but I forgot my Liszt.

Don't worry, I will go Bach later.

I've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

I could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

Johann Sebastian Bach was not a rich man

In fact, he was pretty baroque.

My friend asked if I wanted to be the Terminator or a 17th century composer for halloween.

So I said "I'll be Bach"

The difference between gay men and straight men is the classical music they listen to.

Some like Debussy and some like the Bach

Was Johann Sebastian Bach wealthy?

Answer: No, he was baroque.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

Answer: You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach.

What did Bach say when he got punched in the face?

Answer: I think you Baroque my nose....

What did Bach say when he is brought to life again?

Answer: I’m Bach from the dead!

What did Bach say when he slammed his finger in the door?

Answer: I think it's baroque!

What did Bach say when Mozart thought he smelled something burning?

Answer: Could Beethoven

What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?

Answer: Bach it up.

What did Scarlatti tell Vivaldi when he fell off a ladder?

Answer: I guess you Baroque your Bach. I bet you can't Handel the pain.

What did the disappointed mozart-fan infant say when he opened his gift?

Answer: Baby got Bach

What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket?

Answer: I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet.

What did the sign say outside the music shop?

Answer: Gone Chopin, be Bach in three minuets!

What do you call a classical musician who never marries?

Answer: A bach-ler

What do you call a conflict between composers?.

Answer: A de*bach*le.

What do you call a microorganism that listens to Classical music?

Answer: Bach-teria

What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Answer: Bach [back] in the saddle again.

What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra?

Answer: Go Bach and get a Handel on it!

What is a composer's favorite vegetable?

Answer: Bach choy.

What kind of dessert comes out of a musical volcano?

Answer: Bach Lava

What type of classical music do chickens like best?

Answer: Bach

What type of soap did the composer use?

Answer: Anti-BACH-terial

Why couldn't Bach afford a new harpsichord?

Answer: He was baroque.

Why couldn't Bach pay for his rent?

Answer: Because he was a Baroque composer.

Why couldn't C.P.E. Bach find his contemporary?.

Answer: He was Haydn.

Why couldn’t Bach afford to feed his family?

Answer: Because he was Baroque

Why did Bach have to sell his organ?

Answer: Because he was baroque.

Why did J. S. Bach have so many kids?

Answer: Because his organ didn't have any stops!

Why did JS Bach have so many children?

Answer: Because he didn't have any organ stops

Why did Markiplier slapped the fisherman?

Answer: Because he wanted his Fisch Bach

Why did Mozart fall off a tree?.

Answer: He lost his Handel on Bach.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?

Answer: They kept saying Bach, Bach

Why did Mozart hate chickens?

Answer: All they ever say is "Bach-Bach-Bach"!

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Answer: Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"

Why did the composer go to the chiropractor?

Answer: Because he had Bach problems

Why did the musician's wife yell at him?

Answer: Because he went Chopin but forgot the Liszt, so he went Bach home.