David Hasselhoff Jokes

Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

David Hasselhoff actually plays all the women in Baywatch.

David Hasselhoff calls his Agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."
His Agent says, "Sure. No hassle."

David Hasselhoff can breathe under water if he's horny.

David Hasselhoff can play piano with his teeth.

David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

David Hasselhoff can't fight. Instead, he has evolved to the point that his "singing" is used to scare predators away.

David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

David Hasselhoff got the role in Knight Rider because his balls looked best in tight jeans.

David Hasselhoff had sex with Al Gore's mother, thus, making him the real creator of the internet.

David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh!t.

David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

David Hasselhoff is the real reason Pamela Anderson has Hepatitis.

David Hasselhoff once performed as a singing stripper. The witnesses are now impotent.

David Hasselhoff once sang his way out of a glass cave breaking the glass with high notes.

David Hasselhoff once tried to walk on water.

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

“Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.

“Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied.

“Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”

David Hasselhoff was jealous of Kitt, from Knight rider. Only because the car's voice had better acting ability than he did.

Each time someone goes swimming nude David Hasselhoff isn't in the water.

Every morning, David Hasselhoff shaves a sheep for a fresh curly wig.

I just heard that David Hasselhoff sold part of his name for $10 million.
I just hope it was worth the Hassel

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.

The Kracken in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is not a mythical sea creature, but instead David Hasselhoff's chest hair trying to make a career comeback after being left to die alone in the ocean when Baywatch stopped filming.

The reason people tore down the Berlin wall was to get away from David Hasselhoff's singing.

When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

When David Hasselhoff goes to the gym he only beefs up his balls.

When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.

When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Who do you think would win in a dance-off, Chuck Norris or David Hasselhoff?

Answer: None. Chuck Norris can’t stand to see David Hasselhoff’s chest hair and both would consider it a contest for whimps. That would pave the way for Vanilla Ice winning against Steven Segal.

Why did David Hasselhoff change his name to 'The Hoff'?

Answer: He couldn't be bothered with the hassle