Other Jokes

How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

Answer: You look for the sesame seed buns!

I had an awkward night messing around with a Ouija Board last week.

I had to tell Martin Luther King he wasn’t dreaming.

Monday. Stayed in.
Tuesday. Stayed in.
Wednesday. Stayed in
Thursday. Stayed in
Friday. Stayed in
Saturday. Stayed in
Sunday. Stayed in.
Don’t know what the fuss about Anne Franks diary was all about.

Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, and behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.

"You sign, you sign," yells the Chinese.

Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has got the wrong bloke.

Next day Nelson is watching a film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.

"You Sign, You Sign," screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.

"Look you Twat, snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke again."

Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading a magazine, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts.

The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson, "You sign, you sign."

Well that's it Nelson loses his wig and picks the Chinese bloke up by his shirt and yells, "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong man! Who do you want to give these to?"

The Chinese bloke looks at his clipboard and says, "You not Nissan Maindealer?"

Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
What is it?

Show answer

Answer: A last name

What do vegetarian worms eat?

Answer: Linda McCartney

What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?

Answer: He was allergic to carrots.