Facts Jokes

A woman once tried to make fun of Steven Seagal's weight in bed. She now has 20 children that are fat and know aikido.

Cameras can't take pictures of Zlatan, nothing takes anything from Zlatan.

Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.

Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

David Hasselhoff actually plays all the women in Baywatch.

David Hasselhoff can breathe under water if he's horny.

David Hasselhoff can play piano with his teeth.

David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

David Hasselhoff can't fight. Instead, he has evolved to the point that his "singing" is used to scare predators away.

David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

David Hasselhoff got the role in Knight Rider because his balls looked best in tight jeans.

David Hasselhoff had sex with Al Gore's mother, thus, making him the real creator of the internet.

David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh!t.

David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

David Hasselhoff is the real reason Pamela Anderson has Hepatitis.

David Hasselhoff once performed as a singing stripper. The witnesses are now impotent.

David Hasselhoff once sang his way out of a glass cave breaking the glass with high notes.

David Hasselhoff once tried to walk on water.

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

“Its a pleasure to serve you, Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.

“Just call me Hoff,” the actor replied.

“Sure,” the bartender said, “no hassle.”

David Hasselhoff was jealous of Kitt, from Knight rider. Only because the car's voice had better acting ability than he did.

Each time someone goes swimming nude David Hasselhoff isn't in the water.

Every morning, David Hasselhoff shaves a sheep for a fresh curly wig.

Ghosts sit around camp fires & tell each other Zlatan stories.

If a diet was a person, Steven Seagal would kill it.

If there are left-overs after he eats, Steven Seagal doesn't throw them, he eats them.

In school teachers used to raise their hands to talk with Zlatan.

It is impossible for Zlatan to have a heart attack. Nothing is stupid enough to attack Zlatan.

Jean Claude Van Damme can touch MC Hammer.

Jean Claude Van Damme coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

Jean Claude Van Damme once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Jesus could walk on water, Zlatan can swim through land.

Once there used to be pie in this world, but then Steven Seagal came along.

One day Zlatan arrived late at school. The other students were penalised because they arrived too early.

One day Zlatan did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.

One day Zlatan missed two days in a row in the school. Later on, these days were called Saturday and Sunday.

One day Zlatan passed a red light and the police stopped his car. Zlatan charged the police.

Oxygen needs Zlatan to survive.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears a pajama Zlatan.

Steven Seagal can meditate and eat at the same time.

Steven Seagal doesn't have a mood when he eats the most. He always eats the most.

Steven Seagal doesn't have favorite food. He eats everything.

Steven Seagal eats 5 trucks of food a day.

Steven Seagal has his own harem.

Steven Seagal is actually the owner of all fast food restaurants across the world.

Steven Seagal is an undefeated champion of the world pie eating competition. His record is eating 500 pies in one hour.

Steven Seagal looks mad, always, because he got his ass spanked by Steven Hawking.

Steven Seagal once took a swing at Chuck Norris. Seagal now runs like a girl in ever film he's in.

Steven Seagal only sleeps when having sex.

Steven Seagal wanted to be a stunt double for King Kong but was rejected for being too fat.

Steven Seagal's belly can repel cannon balls.