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Back to PresidentHappy Presidents' Day!
Future historians will be able to study at:
the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library,
the Lyndon B. Johnson Presidential Library,
the Richard M. Nixon Presidential Library,
the Gerald Ford Presidential Library,
the James Earl Carter Presidential Library,
the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library,
...and the Bill Clinton Adult Book Store!
Nixon's Disease
Hillary Clinton goes to a new doctor in Washington for an examination and he discovers that she has crabs.
He thinks to himself 'How am I going to tell the 1st lady that she has crabs?'
After the exam he tells her to get dressed and meet him back in his office.
Once there he proceeds to tell her that she has a very unusual condition.
She is quite concerned and asks him what it is.
He responds that she is suffering from Nixon's Disease.
She says "What?"
He again responds, "Nixon's Disease."
She says, "Level with me doc, what does it mean?"
He responds, "Well Mrs. Clinton, to put it very bluntly, you've got bugs in your oval office."
How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House?Answer: First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other.
Similarities between Nixon and Clinton
Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed
Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War
Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs
Clinton: Worried about carpet burns
Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton: (No difference)
Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying "He's the one!"
Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot & titty
Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho
Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked about getting a piece while on her
Richard Nixon was never much of a golfer.
He played a little when he was vice president mostly because Eisenhower was so passionate about the game.
Once during his own presidency while at Camp David, he ran into Henry Kissinger. ” I scored 126,” he said
“That’s very good, you’re golf is certainly improving,” said Kissinger.
“I was bowling, Henry,” Nixon replied.
What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?Answer: I am not a cook!
What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?Answer: Pardon me.
What do you call it when Richard Nixon hides the toothpaste?Answer: Colgate
What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?Answer: Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.
What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?Answer: George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth. Donald Trump can’t tell the difference
Why did Richard Nixon say he burnt his steak?Answer: I'm not a cook.
Why did they ask Bobbitt to speak at Nixon's funeral?Answer: He knew how to cry over a fallen Dick.
Why is Nixon a bad chef?Answer: Because he is not a cook.
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