Looking for a hilarious way to show your love for America's founding father? Look no further than our collection of George Washington jokes! Whether you're a history buff, a fan of silly puns, or just love a good laugh, our collection of the best jokes about the first president of the United States is sure to tickle your funny bone. With everything from corny one-liners to clever quotes and riddles, there's something for everyone in this side-splitting collection. So come on in and join the fun - after all, who knew George Washington could be so funny?
Back to PresidentAbe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar.
They discuss politics and time travel.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton's asks excitedly: "Do we have time?
Did anybody hear about the seismic activity in Virginia early this morning?Answer: Turns out it was just George Washington rolling over in his grave.
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and George W. Bush.
George Washington says, 'I will make someone happy!' and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, 'I will make five people happy!' and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then John Adams says, 'I will make 500 people happy!' and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, 'I will make the whole world happy!' and throws George W. Bush off the plane.
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton.
George Washington says: "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says: "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says: "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says: "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane!
George Washington "I can not tell a lie."
Donald Trump "I can not tell the truth."
It was Donald Trump's first day in office, and he had no clue what to do...
He decided to call upon the ghosts of previous great presidents to ask for their advice.
"What do I have to do to become a great president?" Trump asked the ghost of George Washington.
"You must never tell a lie," Washington responded.
Trump scoffed. "No way! do you really expect me to do that? You're useless Washington."
The ghost vanished, only to be replaced by the spirit of Thomas Jefferson. "What must I do to become a great president?" Trump asked again.
Jefferson replied, "You must always put the people's interest ahead of your own."
"Are you kidding? Let's be reasonable here," Trump exclaimed.
Jefferson disappeared, and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln took his place.
"Alright," Trump said. "Do you have any good advice for me?"
Lincoln thought for a moment and replied, "This should be an easy one. Why don't you go watch a play."
How did George Washington speak to his army?Answer: In general terms!
If George Washington Carver became a teacher, what would his nickname be?Answer: The Nutty Professor
If George Washington were alive today, what would he be famous for?Answer: Old age!
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?Answer: Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. ”George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. ”Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. ”Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. ”Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” advised Tom.
Clinton didn’t sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. ”Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. Abe replied, ”Go to the theater.”
Osama goes to heaven.
Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!"
An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"
Was General Washington a handsome man?Answer: Yes, he was George-eous!
What did George Washington call his wooden teeth?Answer: His presidentures.
What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Christopher Columbus all have in common?Answer: They were all born on holidays.
What do George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln have in common?Answer: They were the last three white guys with those last names.
What do you call George Washington's false teeth?Answer: Presidentures
What is the difference between George Washington and a duck?Answer: George Washington has his face on a bill whereas a duck has a bill on his face.
What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?Answer: Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.
What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?Answer: George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth. Donald Trump can’t tell the difference
What was General Washington's favorite tree?Answer: The infantry!
What would George Washington be if he were alive today?Answer: Really, really, really old!
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?Answer: Scream, and scratch at the lid of his coffin.
What's George Washington's favorite element?Answer: Americium-1776
What's George Washington's favorite song?Answer: Doesn't matter, just as long as it's royalty-free.
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?Answer: One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.
When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat?Answer: He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row!
When did George Washington die?Answer: Just before they buried him.
When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around?Answer: They were very helpful during the ”Roverlutionary War!”
Who sculpted Mount Rushmore?Answer: George Washington Carver.
Who was the first president that didn't blame anything on his predecessors?Answer: George Washington
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?Answer: Because he couldn't lie.
Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?Answer: Because he was dead.
Why was George Washington buried standing up?Answer: Because he never lied.
Feel free to share these jokes about George Washington with your family, friends, relatives, co-workers, classmates, partner, training buddy or on social media!
Do you have a funny joke about George Washington that you would like to share? Click here to submit your joke!
Bookmark this site and come back tomorrow for more great celebrity jokes.