Thomas Jefferson Jokes

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and George W. Bush.

George Washington says, 'I will make someone happy!' and throws a dollar bill off the plane.

Then Abraham Lincoln says, 'I will make five people happy!' and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then John Adams says, 'I will make 500 people happy!' and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.

Then Thomas Jefferson says, 'I will make the whole world happy!' and throws George W. Bush off the plane.

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton.
George Washington says: "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says: "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says: "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says: "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane!

It was Donald Trump's first day in office, and he had no clue what to do...

He decided to call upon the ghosts of previous great presidents to ask for their advice.

"What do I have to do to become a great president?" Trump asked the ghost of George Washington.

"You must never tell a lie," Washington responded.

Trump scoffed. "No way! do you really expect me to do that? You're useless Washington."

The ghost vanished, only to be replaced by the spirit of Thomas Jefferson. "What must I do to become a great president?" Trump asked again.

Jefferson replied, "You must always put the people's interest ahead of your own."

"Are you kidding? Let's be reasonable here," Trump exclaimed.

Jefferson disappeared, and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln took his place.

"Alright," Trump said. "Do you have any good advice for me?"

Lincoln thought for a moment and replied, "This should be an easy one. Why don't you go watch a play."

I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson.

She said, "Your name is Brian."

I said, "Right. But I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson."

One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. ”George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. ”Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George.

The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. ”Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. ”Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” advised Tom.

Clinton didn’t sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. ”Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. Abe replied, ”Go to the theater.”

Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

What do George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln have in common?

Answer: They were the last three white guys with those last names.

What was Thomas Jefferson's favorite dessert?

Answer: Monti jello!