Osama bin Laden Jokes

Osama Bin Laden's afterlife...

After he was killed by Seal Team Six, Osama Bin Laden immediately found himself in a large room filled with fat middle aged men wearing strange costumes.

As he looked around he saw a gigantic sign that said "Welcome fellow Trekies."

Confused by his surroundings, Osama wanted to get out of the room, only to face Muhhammed himself, blocking the door.

"This is not the paradise I was promised in the Quoran."

"Yes it is...where did you expect I'd find you 72 virgins?"

Bin Laden said it was ok to masterbate.... I guess they should have called themselves the Tali-whackers.

Have you heard about the Osama Bin Laden celebratory drink?

Answer: It's two shots and a splash of water!

Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.

Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...

The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they’ve granted President Obama full citizenship.

They caught Bin Laden. Washed him, gave him a haircut, turned out it was Berezovsky.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total," saidthe genie.

The Canadian said, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

George W. Bush, said, "I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable." George W. Bush says, "Fill it with water."

What did Barack Obama tell Al Qaida after Osama Bin Laden’s death?

Answer: Don’t put your contact info on the Playstation Network!

What did Bruce Lee tell Osama Bin Laden?

Answer: Your crude bombs are no match for my broken rythme....

What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney?

Answer: Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too

What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common?

Answer: They both look out their caves and see rubble.

What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common?

Answer: They both wondered where all those tomahawks were coming from!

What do Osama Bin Laden and Fred Flintstone have in common?

Answer: When they look out of their window, they both see rubble.

What do Princess Kate and Osama bin Laden have in common?

Answer: They both had their back doors blown out by a guy in the navy.

What do you call a heavy trash can that tips things over?

Answer: A bin Laden.

Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?

Answer: He was an Afghani-Stan.

Why did Osama bin Laden cross the road?

Answer: He thought he saw the American flag, so he ran for his life.

Why did Osama bin Laden visit Mount Sinai?

Answer: He wanted to see the burning Bush!

Why did Sarah Palin say Afghanistan is our neighboring country?

Answer: Because she can see bin Laden’s cave from her house!

Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Answer: Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.