Chuck Norris Jokes

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.

Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.

Steven Seagal once took a swing at Chuck Norris. Seagal now runs like a girl in ever film he's in.

Stevie Wonder was the last person to stare Chuck Norris directly in the eyes...

Superman and The Flash have a race around the world. Who wins?

Answer: Chuck Norris

Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.

The AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" is about Chuck Norris' driveway.

The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.

The beatles originally said they were "Bigger than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends".

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...

The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

There's no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

They once made a “Chuck Norris” brand toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.

Tim Cook lives in fear that Chuck Norris's iPhone will crash.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

To finally solve whether Mona-Lisa is smiling or not, Chuck Norris took a quick look at it. She's crying

Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.

Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.

Voldemort once ran into Chuck Norris. He is now known as Harry Potter.

Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.

What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?

Answer: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris

What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand?

Answer: Thunder.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he already had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

When Bruce Banner's angry he turn into the Hulk. When the Hulk's angry he turns into Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.