Harry Potter Jokes

Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film?

Answer: They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"

Do you like Harry Potter?

Answer: Because I a-Dumbledore you!

Do you like Harry Potter? Because I a-Dumbledore you!

Harry Potter has way too many characters...
Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort. Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.

How can you tell which Harry Potter movie you are watching?

Answer: By the size of Hermione Granger's breasts!

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

Answer: Walking. Jk Rowling

How does Harry Potter enter a door?

Answer: Through the Gryffin-door.

How does Harry potter fuel his car?

Answer: He goes Execto petroleum

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?

Answer: With quit-itch.

How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: One - he holds it and the world revolves around him.

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted. The fifth one was dead Sirius.

I have watched a Harry Potter movie every day for the past 10 years
They still haven't lost their magic.

If you don't like this Harry Potter joke, there's something Ron with you!

On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed am I with Harry Potter?

Answer: 9 3/4

The British are making a monument out of rocks to Harry Potter's author

When finished, it'll be called the Rowling Stones.

Voldemort once ran into Chuck Norris. He is now known as Harry Potter.

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?

Answer: Why so Sirius?

What do Harry Potter and the Bloods have in common?

Answer: They're both after a golden snitch.

What do you call a moile in the Harry Potter wizarding world?

Answer: Professor Snip

What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?

Answer: Harry Trotter

What do you call Harry Potter going through puberty?

Answer: Hairy Pitter

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't?

Answer: A nose

What is bigfoot’s favorite book?

Answer: Hairy Potter

What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?

Answer: Something Gin-ey

What was the first Harry Potter Movie?

Answer: Die Hard. A man sneaks around a tower trying to avoid Alan Rickman.

What would you get if Harry Potter tried to kill Darth Vader?

Answer: A Vader Cadaver

What's J. K. Rowling's favourite side of a triangle?

Answer: The Harrypotenuse

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a jew?

Answer: Harry Potter came out of the chamber.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Answer: Harry made it out of the chamber

What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?

Answer: One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

What’s the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?

Answer: A ginger with friends.

Why aren't there any guns in Harry Potter?

Answer: Because Hogwarts is in England not America.

Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend?

Answer: They’re both cauldron.

Why couldn't Harry Potter find Hermione?

Answer: He was looking at all the Ron places

Why did Harry Potter cross the road?

Answer: No reason. But we’re sure someone will still write fan-fiction about it.

Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?

Answer: Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.

Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?

Answer: Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.

Why does the author of Harry Potter always ROFL when hearing a joke?

Answer: Because she's Rowling on the floor with laughter

Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?

Answer: Because he was cursing in class.

Your opinion on the Harry Potter movie adaptations?

Answer: I thought that they were pretty good, and stayed faithful to the books. Although in my opinion, Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.