Zlatan Ibrahimović Jokes

Cameras can't take pictures of Zlatan, nothing takes anything from Zlatan.

Ghosts sit around camp fires & tell each other Zlatan stories.

In school teachers used to raise their hands to talk with Zlatan.

It is impossible for Zlatan to have a heart attack. Nothing is stupid enough to attack Zlatan.

Jesus could walk on water, Zlatan can swim through land.

One day Zlatan arrived late at school. The other students were penalised because they arrived too early.

One day Zlatan did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.

One day Zlatan missed two days in a row in the school. Later on, these days were called Saturday and Sunday.

One day Zlatan passed a red light and the police stopped his car. Zlatan charged the police.

Oxygen needs Zlatan to survive.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears a pajama Zlatan.

Sweden's biggest sports accomplishments:

1948: Olympic Champions
1958: Silver World Cup Winners
1981: Zlatan is Born
2015: U21 Champions

The father's name of Zlatan is Zlatan Junior.

Messi, Ronaldo and Zlatan died in a car crash and goes to heaven.

The three walks up to God sitting on his throne. God says: "Messi, what is the best thing about football?" Messi bows and answers: "The best thing about football is that I have been able to spread joy to people, earn money for my living and seeing the world." God felt it was a good answer when he said: "Good Messi, come and sit at my left side."

God then looked at Ronaldo and said: "And you Ronaldo, what is the best thing about football? Ronaldo responds a little timidly: "Lord, I come from poor backgrounds and have managed to show my fellow human beings that there is a way out of it all and that you do not have to be doomed to a life of misery. Meanwhile, I was able to spread joy to the people. " God replied: "Good answer Ronaldo, come and sit on my right side.".

God then looked at Zlatan and said: "What do you think then Zlatan?" Zlatan looks up, clears his throat, spits on the ground and says: "You're sitting in my chair."

There used to be a street in Sweden named after Zlatan but it had to be changed because nobody crosses Zlatan and lives.

When Alexander Graham Bell created the telephone, he already had three missed calls from Zlatan.

When he was 10yrs, Zlatan decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house.

When Mark Zukerberg created Facebook he already had a friend request waiting from Zlatan.

When we need to find something, we ask Google. When Google needs to find something, it asks Zlatan.

When Zlatan crosses the street, cars look both ways.

When Zlatan goes to your place to visit you, you're the guest.

When Zlatan was young, his parents used to sleep on his bed when they were scared.

When Zlatan works out he doesn't get stronger, the machine does.

Whenever Zlatan goes to a wedding, he is always the best man.

You cannot use the term 'Zlatan' as a password, it comes up with the error "too strong'.

Zlatan beat Mona Lisa in a staring competition.

Zlatan can cut through a hot knife with butter.

Zlatan can rip a page out of Facebook.

Zlatan does not draw teams in the Champions League, teams draw Zlatan.

Zlatan does not get wet, it is water that Zlatans.

Zlatan does not pay attention, attention pays him.

Zlatan does not walk, the earth moves beneath his feet.

Zlatan doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Zlatan doesn't go to the referee, the referee goes to Zlatan.

Zlatan doesn't have hair on his testicles because hair can't grow on steel.

Zlatan doesn't make left turns, because everything he does is right.

Zlatan gamil account gmail@zlatan.com.

Zlatan helped the nurses when he was born.

Zlatan lost his virginity even before his parents.

Zlatan makes onions cry.

Zlatan never lies. The truth is what is wrong.

Zlatan plead guilty to murder and was acquitted.

Zlatan starts a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

Zlatan wakes up his alarm clock every morning.

Zlatan was approached to star in Mission Impossible. But he refused because he found the title insulting.

Zlatan's keyboard doesn't have a question mark, Zlatan only has answers.