Leonid Brezjnev Jokes

"That's enough of messing around," said Brezhnev, gluing his eyebrows under his nose.

- What has four legs and forty teeth?

- An alligator.

- And forty legs and four teeth?

- Brezhnev's Politburo.

A train bearing Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev stops suddenly when the tracks run out. Each leader applies his own, unique solution. Lenin gathers workers and peasants from miles around and exhorts them to build more track. Stalin shoots the train crew when the train still doesn’t move. Khrushchev rehabilitates the dead crew and orders the tracks behind the train ripped up and relaid in front. Brezhnev pulls down the curtains and rocks back and forth, pretending the train is moving. And Gorbachev calls a rally in front of the locomotive, where he leads a chant: “No tracks! No tracks! No tracks!”

Brezhnev is speaking at a party meeting. "Who said that I can only speak when I have the speech in front of me? Ha, dash, ha, dash, ha, dash."

Lenin proved that even female cooks could manage a country.

Stalin proved that just one person could manage a country.

Khrushchev proved that a fool could manage a country.

Brezhnev proved that a country doesn’t need to be managed at all.

With Lenin, it was like being in a tunnel: You‘re surrounded by darkness, but there’s light ahead.

With Stalin, it was like being on a bus: One person is driving, half the people on the bus are sitting and the other half are quaking with fear.

With Khrushchev, it was like at a circus: One person is talking, and everyone else is laughing.

With Brezhnev, it was like at the movies: Everyone’s just waiting for the film to end.