Paris Hilton Jokes

A recorded customer service call at Private Jet Services Inc., of a brief conversation with Paris Hilton was making the rounds internally until management deleted it.

According to internal sources, Paris called the PJS service center and said "This is Paris Hilton. Can you tell me how long it will take to fly from Los Angeles to Las Vegas?"

The agent replied, "Just a minute Miss Hilton."

To which Paris replied "Wow that’s great! Thank you." and hung up.

During late spring one year, Paris Hilton was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried. After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem. Workers determined that everything from the engine to the out-drive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

How do you make Paris Hilton's eyes twinkle?

Answer: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Diary Entries

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

Paris Hilton pushes her BMW into a gas station and tells the mechanic the car just died. After he works on it for a few minutes, the car is idling smoothly.

She asks, "What was the problem with the car?"

The mechanic replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Paris in the Library

Paris Hilton walked into a library because she wanted to experience something new.

She walks up to the counter and says "Can I have a burger and fries?"

The librarian says, "I’m sorry, this is a library."

So Paris whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

Paris Hilton was speeding along in her hot sporty little convertible, wearing a really tight sweater.

A motorcycle policeman clocked her going well over the speed limit, and gave chase. Paris ignored the flashing lights and the siren, so finally the officer pulled right up next to Paris and, through his loudspeaker, yelled, "PULL OVER!"

Paris looked over at the officer, and yelled back, "No, it's a cardigan!"

The lovely Paris Hilton decides to try horseback riding, once again. She mounts the horse and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops at a steady & rhythmic pace, but Paris begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up on her frail grip, Ms. Hilton attempts to leap from the horse & throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup,
and she is now at the mercy of the horses hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is being battered against the ground, she is a mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Wayne the WalMart greeter, sees her plight and unplugs the horse.